The number of new HIV cases has never been lower. And the majority of women may obtain free birth control and the morning after pill without a prescription.

Grindr, Bumble, Hinge and Tinder offer the possibility of casual sex within an hour if hookups are your thing.  Nowadays it's just a given that if something exists, there is pornography about it.  In media, sex is portrayed frequently, and according to statistics, even sexting is more than common.

The term "polyamory" is well-known. Anal sex has been decriminalized and is now considered "fifth base"; Teen Vogue (yep, Teen Vogue) even published a guide on it. Our culture has never been more permissive of sex in just about every variation, with the possible exception of incest and bestiality—and of course, non-consensual sex in general.

And yet, teenagers and young adults in America 

The millennial generation's sexless lifestyle: 

Millennials ought to be in the height of their sexuality. So why are big dry spells being reported by so many couples?

“The first [several] years of our marriage we had an amazing sex life … and as he got older (he’s 30 now), he just doesn't seem interested in sex anymore.”

This is just one of the many remarks circulating on the Reddit social media platform's 

 subreddit, which bills itself as a "discussion group for Redditors who are coping with a relationship that is seriously lacking in sexual intimacy”. 

Anecdotes of persons in low- or zero-sex relationships who are frustrated abound. One commenter queries, "Why does he prefer his own hand to having sex with me?" The subreddit's tone is often gloomy: "Advice is always appreciated, just don't be surprised if we've heard it all," reads its description.

Many of the stories are posted by people who self-identify as being in their late 20s or early 30s, despite the fact that it may seem more logical for them to be older couples fighting to maintain the spark they had decades ago. 

Some claim that having kids, moving in together or getting married has ended their sexual lives, while others claim that their "low-libido" husbands may watch endless porn but won't get intimate with them. 

The list of complaints from hordes of millennials blogging about their "dead bedrooms" goes on and on...

Despite the fact that millennials are in or near their sexual peak, it seems some of them have apparently been 

A 2021 poll of US individuals aged 18 to 45 by the Kinsey Institute at Indiana University and sex retailer Lovehoney, revealed that among married adults, millennials were most likely to "report problems with sexual desire in the past year." Recent data support this claim. According to the survey, 25.8% of married millennials and just 10.5% of married Gen Z and 21.2% of married Gen X individuals cited the same issue.

According to Justin Lehmiller, research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, "low desire isn't necessarily synonymous with being in a sexless marriage," but "when one or both partners in a marriage experience a drop-off in sex desire, sexual frequency usually declines - and loss of desire is one of the biggest reasons why marriages become sexless in the first place."

Researchers and sex therapists provide a range of explanations for millennials' sexless marriages, ranging from their current stages of life to 

. Whatever the particular causes of sexual dysfunction in the bedroom, it is clear that this generation is up against some unusual, if not unprecedented, barriers to having healthy sex lives.

A sexless union can be defined in a variety of ways. One is straightforward: the pair hasn't engaged in any sex at all for a very long time. Having sex less frequently than 

is another commonly cited indicator of a sexless marriage.

The opinions of the experts varied as well. Stephen Snyder, a sex therapist in New York City, claims "I usually consider 'sexless' four times a year or less." Less than 25 'low-sex' marriages occur annually, according to Kimberly Anderson, a sex therapist and assistant professor of psychiatry at UCLA's School of Medicine. 

Others argue that the term is totally subjective and that there is a problem worth addressing if a couple is unhappy with the frequency of their sex.

Other circumstances, such as medical or mental health conditions, may also be at play since they might make having sex impossible, uncomfortable, challenging, or unappealing. Additionally, busy schedules that include job and/or children and inadequate communication about each partner's desires might exclude sex from the equation.

Despite the fact that these factors are common to all generations, some experts have noted a change in who is engaging in sexless relationships and when in their life.

Celeste Hirschman, a sex therapist in San Francisco who has been treating clients for approximately 20 years, asserts that the length of time that couples go without sex has decreased. She used to observe anecdotally that it took couples between 10 and 15 years to quit having sex with one another." 

It might take three to five now" she says.

Kimberly Anderson, a sex therapist, says that nowadays, couples in sexless marriages 

The demographics of sexless couples have changed since Anderson began her practice 30 years ago, according to the sex therapist. She laments the majority of the sexless marital patients she saw 30 years ago were over 50 and struggled with a lowered libido brought on by aging-related hormonal changes and illnesses.

However, Anderson now encounters a majority of couples in sexless marriages who are 45 years of age or younger. 

She claims that the fundamental dynamics are very different from how they were or are with older couples.

Anyone's sex life can be hampered by too much stress, but millennials are particularly susceptible because of their high cortisol levels. According to Lehmiller, "one of the main killers of libido is stress," and when compared to Gen X, 

millennials are a particularly stressed-out generation.

Many millennials are approaching parenthood or are already parents of young children, which is a stressful period for everyone. 

According to a 2018 poll by the UK-based counseling network Relate, 31% of adults in their 30s said they've "lost their libido since having children," and 61% said they have less sex than they'd like because "young children get in the way." 

Other generational conflicts contribute to stress; millennials previously lagged behind older generations in achieving life milestones like 

; now, rising costs and the prevalence of student debt are putting further strain on millennials, particularly financially.

Stress is primarily caused by the state of the workplace today. Data from the multinational consulting firm Deloitte, gathered in May 2022 and spanning five nations, showed that 38% of millennials had a significant mental-health burden, with women reporting it more frequently than males (36% to 41%) and being mostly fueled by work worry.

Of all, for millennials the workplace has never been particularly stable or low stress. Lehmiller points out that many millennials began their jobs during a recession. However, the Covid-19 pandemic's additional impact has resulted in more conflict.

People "tend to work exceedingly hard during periods of enormous technical change," continues Snyder. And research indicates that millennials in particular are workaholics. 

Overwork frequently results in tiredness, which can leave couples too exhausted for sex at the end of a long day. 

This trend, according to these experts, can persist if it is repeated too frequently. And concerns about financial stability are just making the issue worse. High stress and poor sexual desire may be caused by more financial concerns combined with higher baseline rates of depression and anxiety, according to Lehmiller.

Pornography, social media, and the decline of sex life

Internet influence is likewise impossible to overstate. Hirschman thinks social media's impact in fostering sexless relationships is far more complex than Snyder's description of it as a "distraction" from sexual activity. She claims that it has caused millennials—the first generation who were essentially forced into significant social-media use—to exhibit higher "image sensitivity."

people feel pressured to appear flawless on social platforms by using filters and touch-ups that aren't feasible in real life.

People who experience this self-consciousness may carry it into their marriages and bedrooms, which may lower their body confidence. 

According to Relate's 2018 data, 37% of low-sex partners under the age of 30 reported feeling self-conscious about their bodies, compared to 14% of those 60 and older.

The experts concur that, in addition to social media, 

 has had a disproportionate impact on millennials. 

Many of them came of age at a time when porn was becoming widely available online. 

Of course, this represents a significant change from earlier generations. According to Snyder, some males exhibited sexual compulsivity with numerous women in the 20th century. "They just seem to watch a lot of porn these days," 

In other words, even if the other people are simply in a video, 

they don't have to actively seek out sex to have a sexual experience that involves them.

According to Anderson, many of her male clients under the age of 45 who are in sexless marriages have 

 a condition that makes it either impossible or very difficult to have an erection without watching porn and with a real-life partner. 

As a result, they prefer masturbating over sex with their partners. 

She notes that some of them grow accustomed to total control over their pleasure or to the more graphic pictures they see in porn that their married sex can't match.

People frequently say things like, "Porn never rejects me" or "Porn never criticizes my performance," according to Anderson.

"Dead bedrooms" as the norm for the future?

The fact that millennials entered the workforce during a recession and are currently experiencing another one cannot be changed, of course. Just like the pornographic or social media influence cannot be eliminated.

And it's obvious that some individuals find it difficult to even discuss a lack of sex with the person with whom they are sharing a bedroom, let alone more generally. This makes it even more difficult to comprehend the problems and come up with remedies.

With hectic schedules and numerous pressures, as one Redditor recently noted on r/DeadBedrooms, even broaching the matter can feel hard. One poor woman said, "I just don't even know what to ask for anymore." "I want to solve this, but I have no idea how."

Is this the future we are doomed with? Stressful jobs, hectic social media and instant gratification through internet porn? What is even the purpose of a partner then? 

The modern world is changing sexuality: less taboo, but also less sex!

2 Comments